Test Driving My Own Life...

My Heart's Gentle Reminder #16

2008-07-09T19:42:00.000-07:00

I was reading a book today, and one of the characters reminded me of you. I laughed as the author described the character's beauty, intelligence and grace because it seemed like the author was painting a picture of you with the words on the page. The next paragraph I found out that the character had been dead for months. The author wasn't describing you, after all.

He was describing what sex with you was like.

My Heart's Gentle Reminder #15

2008-07-08T19:14:00.000-07:00

I went camping with friends over the weekend. Remember that trip we took up the mountain a few years ago? Remember how we sat up by the campfire all night? Remember how we zipped our sleeping bags together, and made love under the stars?

I still am digging sand out of my butt.

My Heart's Gentle Reminder #14

2008-07-01T22:36:00.001-07:00

I heard our song on the radio today. The lyrics still move me to tears, because you're not there to share in the moment with me anymore. Someone else will take your place, inevitably, but it still hurts not having you in the car when the jam hits the stations.

"Oh let me see that thoooooooooong..."

My Heart's Gentle Reminder #13

2008-06-29T20:11:00.001-07:00

I gave you my heart, my soul, my body and my mind. I gave you everything. I promised you the world, the stars, the sun and the moon. I promised it all.

You gave me a phone call, and promised me a month's supply of penicillin.

My Heart's Gentle Reminder #12

2008-06-28T23:57:00.001-07:00

I threw away all of our old pictures today. It felt like I was throwing away the best years of my life. Each memory falling into the waste bin of time to be forgotten in a heap of trash with leftover lasagna and baby diapers.

But then I ate some Mint Chocolate Chip ice cream, and I giggled on the couch.

My Heart's Gentle Reminder #11

2008-06-28T23:47:00.000-07:00

You told me that I could never be happy with anyone until I came to terms with who I am, what I am, and who I am going to be. That hit home, and I'm making the changes to be a better man. Of course, when I make all the changes I'll be everything that you'll have ever wanted...

...but you'll still be ugly on the inside.

My Heart's Gentle Reminder #10

2008-06-28T23:22:00.000-07:00

After the break up, my friends told me they didn't like you from the beginning. I asked them why they didn't say something before we got involved. "It wasn't our decision to make, dude," they would reply. "She was always a skank to us."

They never did see you naked under a full moon.

My Heart's Gentle Reminder #9

2008-06-28T23:19:00.001-07:00

I know it wasn't my looks that attracted you to me. I know it wasn't my demeanor or charm, either. It was the way I could move my hips when we first met, wasn't it, or the way I held your body close to me for hours as we swayed to the music?

Thank God I was behind you so you couldn't smell my breath.

My Heart's Gentle Reminder #8

2008-06-28T23:17:00.001-07:00

I know that you're gone, but I guess I should thank you for the little things now. Like teaching me how to cook, doing the dishes after dinner, and doing my laundry while I was away at class. They says it's the little things that show you can care. I miss those little things now.

I still don't wear underwear at the end of the week...

My Heart's Gentle Reminder #7

2008-06-28T23:14:00.000-07:00

Do you remember our first date? We had dinner and drank wine on the beach, and then fell asleep under the stars watching the waves come up the shore. Then we woke up when the sun cracked over the hill at dawn.

I guess you're to blame, two-fold, for my alcoholism.

My Heart's Gentle Reminder #6

2008-06-28T15:40:00.001-07:00

Remember that birthday that I had when you gave yourself to me as a present? Well, I found the card today in my memory box. I choked up for a minute while holding the scissors to it, not knowing whether I wanted to destroy it or not. So I crumpled it up until it was like paper, and then cut it into thin little strips.

I can always use my travel toilet paper.

My Heart's Gentle Reminder #5

2008-06-28T15:37:00.000-07:00

I found one of your old shirts in the back of the closet today. You must have forgotten it when you moved out. It still smelled like you, so I put it around on a pillow. I held the pillow and cried most of the morning. Then I realized I wasn't holding you, but I was holding a pillow.

Your breasts were much perkier.

My Heart's Gentle Reminder #4

2008-06-28T00:15:00.001-07:00

I woke up from that dream I keep having about you. You come to visit for a weekend, and things go great. We share a bed for one last night, but you make me promise to not tell your boyfriend. I tell you I miss you so much that I would gladly lie for one more night together. The following day we go that local pizza place. The one with the greasy toppings and fresh mozzarella. Your boyfriend meets us to pick you up.

That's when I stab him in the neck. I hear Mexico is nice this time of year.

My Heart's Gentle Reminder #3

2008-06-27T23:17:00.000-07:00

Shopping was a pain in the ass today. Especially when I had to walk by the perfume counters. The nice lady on the other side of the glass was wearing your aroma. You know, the one endorsed by that celebrity that comes in the misshaped bottle?

It took security 30 minutes to remove me from the store.

My Heart's Gentle Reminder #2

2008-06-27T23:14:00.001-07:00

I went for a jog today. You know how much I hated doing that. I almost tripped when I saw a woman that looked like you sitting at a bus stop. It took me two hours to get back home.

I sat behind her, staring at her head the entire time.

My Heart's Gentle Reminder #1

2008-06-27T15:02:00.000-07:00

The memories of you body's imperfections are all that remain of the vision of beauty that used to spend hours dancing through my head. The gentle slope of your shoulders, how that one toe was bigger than the rest, and your morning breath are all I seem to remember anymore.

I think that's why I loved you.